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Friday, December 31, 2010

2010; in memory.

People God Needed Me To Meet

5. The 67 gifted, whacked and greatly missed PKTRians. Who showed me that, awesome people live everywhere.





4. The Bankies of Taylors. Because you guys were the only reason I stayed that long.

3. KMB-ians, especially my ace roommate, my 3rd wheel, and my classmates.


2. Kak Siti Umaira, and my god-sent Usrah family. I'm sorry it came to me so late that you guys were what I was looking for.
1. Abang Al-Nazmi. Welcome to the family, bro. Gosh, I've never had a big brother before so we might be awkward but a few years of this brats antics and we'll be as thick as thieves.

Completed Checklist
> Kayaked.
> White water rafting.
> One night in a 6 star hotel.
> Be a bridesmaid.

> Flying foxed. 
> Choir for VIPs.
> Fed a bear honey from my bare hands.

> Drove myself. (GAHA!) The car survived, gladly.
> Moved from one friends house to another.
> Tutored kids!
> Taught Orang Asli new words.

> Khatamed.
> Scored for SPM! (Alhamdulillah!)

I want to be a doctor because, its in my blood to be one.

Sealed Permanently in Memory
5. Crying, giddy with relief, when I saw my SPM slip. At that moment, there was no other moment. No other person. No other experience. Refreshing mara.gov.my and gazing at the words Tahniah.
4. Serenading the crowd with "Gemuruh Jiwa" and "We Are The World", watching them shed tears as it hit us that, we are the future.
3. Swerving, hitting the accelerator instead of brakes, hearing the honks....
2. Exhilaration. Debate. You. Me. And the awards shared between us.
1. That lump that materialised the moment "Aku nikahkan kau...." was said. Daddy's speech at Tabung Haji *chokes* Hello, hello brother?



Afzan, Siti Saleha, and the Mo, Aimi Amirah, when you guys are here, I'm a rocketeer.

"Loneliness, is just God's way of wanting a private word." - Wani Dan, Banting bus stop, the day I was a document-less immigrant

The airbags to my crashes. Lots of Thanks.


My wife, Woon Ee Laine.
My "Oh-Man-I-Didn't-Mean-To-Kill-Him-But-Just-Did-Cause-He-Beat-Me-In-Class" Reza.



My elbow, Farhana Reza.
My saving grace, Farah Lina.
My wing man, Wani Dan.


Fluffy cushioned family. I'd be in the gutter without you.
Whiz cousie, Saranghaeyo, Diyana.

Kick Ass Pen People.
Faisal Tehrani. Dan Brown. Greg Mortenson. 

The girls, now and always! 

The Beats.
Nothing On You- Bruno Mars; the post SPM anthem.
Healing- Sami Yusuf; the prayer to motivate.
Mountain- Hamza Robertson; the pillar of strength.
My Heaven- Big Bang; when I wanted to fly so badly.
Love, Love, Love - FT Island; CAS and M10A. 
Baby- Justin Bieber; Oceanus! 



And the Almighty, who fated that in 2010, I had to grow up. He decided I needed to date him. And no other. He resuscitated this living corpse. His love, I've come to know is, undying. Laillahailallah.

2011; Part One

1. Free my mind.
2. Be devout.
3. Disconnect myself from the deadliest book.
4. Not postpone.
5. Finish tafsir fi zilal.
6. Volunteer more.
7. Raise more than 2K for Cambodia.
8. Give more.
9. Put myself back in 28, denim.
10. Appreciate my A+ family.
11. Cut whining. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Schizophrenic.

Don't look at me through your prejudiced filters. You try taking a born and bred KL-ite and transporting her to another coast, hundreds of miles, tons of new faces, one language barrier, a brand new social strata, thousands of little faux pas and a whole new lifestyle.

It wasn't easy and it still isn't. This time its closer to home, yet so much further. 

Stick that up yours. I'm not one to just turn around, look at my past and then decide that I want to completely have nothing to do with it. They say adapt, so I adapt. They say repent, so I repent. 

No one said anything about forget. Or hate. Or have selective memories. Or turn-your-nose-up-at-your-friends-for-thou-art-holier-than-they-now.

I know whats the code of conduct, when I'm home or away. Does it matter if it makes me schizophrenic? 

They're all friends, I've been through skinny and XL with them. Be it from SBU or PC or KMB. I'm me at all times, just different shades. 

So quit acting flabbergasted by the difference in the way I act when I'm with them. You don't treat an Eskimo and an Arab the same way. If the ability to juggle different worlds makes me dysfunctional so be it. 

You got it easy if the transition didn't squelch your personality. I know who I want to be albeit the fact I can fit into many molds. I'm talented like that, thank you very much.

I've done things I'm none too proud of. I don't intend to repeat them. I'm far from perfect, and I know I gotta keep working at it. But who said I had to do it your way? Seriously, it takes longer than a year, or two.

I'm not an anti-conformist but neither will I bend to your insipid opinions on how I should/should not act. As long as I'm not breaking any rules, it really is inconsequential. What hurts is the way you cast dagger looks at me, and tut at my conversations and roll your eyes at my pictures.  



So, I'm going to stop now. I'll come clean and be myself. If you can't accept it, at least I'll be able to.


  

one ummah.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Hospital Attachment: Kerana kami mahukan exposure

Day 1.


First dish for the day: Briefing by the Deputy Director of Hospital Sg Buloh, Dr Aminuddin.
He broadened our comprehension of the medical field by bidding us to venture into other workplaces besides the hospital. He thinks doctors and hospitals are so cliched!
His suggestions:
> Ministry of Health : For docs who are big on administrative posts, public health officers and deal will the general health of Malaysians
> Higher Education Ministry: Docs who want to be lecturers, work in unis, or be panel doctors
> Prime Ministers Office: Resident doctors for Orang Asli (teringat SK Bkt Tadom), or LPPKN to work in the family planning unit, or be docs who are on standby for the PM
> MINDEF: Be an army doc! Like Major Owen Hunt in Greys *swoons*


You get posted around the world, like Western Africa etc

He warned us that the path of a healer isn't a bed of roses. We did the math with him, 2 years in IB, 5 years in Med School, 2 years as a Houseman, 3 years compulsory service, 4 years if you enter the Masters Program, 1 year to be gazetted as as a Specialist, then its 5 years before you can achieve the title Consultant. Give or take its 20+ years. Given that you don't flop in any of those stages. *gulps*

After sowing seeds of doubt and kiasuism, we were led on to the tour of all the wards of the hospital! My favourite part.
It was all your basic wards, the coolest definitely being Ortho and Day Care Endoscope wards. Ortho cause of all the machinery attached to the patients, 

Like this Illizarov to treat open bone fractures

And the different types of scopes

Syamim was weirded out by how patients in the Neuro ward had stitches on their shaved heads (post craniotomy), and misshapen heads due to accidents. The Medical ward was rife with diabetes patients and the Surgical wards had patients in varying stages (pre-op, post-op, observation). But there wasn't much action going on. 

After our tour of the wards, we were all dying to see a procedure, so I harassed Dr Madihah to let me observe whatever it was she was doing at the moment. 
Result: I got to see my own sister suture someones tongue! Very cool!

Pictures of patients are prohibited but use your imagination!

But we were determined to see something more dramatic so Hannis seeked permission to go to the Forensics department which includes the morgue! Jeepers creepers or what? The forensics officers are super sporting and gave us an extensive tour which includes the body storage facility. He jokingly offered to show us, but we were like "Seriously" and before we could stop him, he pulled out the body from the fridge!

Again, not the real deal but akin to it.

He then offered to show us decomposed bodies! Syamim, Irma, Ijat and I were cowering behind each other. He rolled out the body, and though we were scared, we braced ourselves, then we realized, "Hey, this ain't so bad, we can do this!" We even saw the bodies of babies dumped by their mothers (which broke our hearts, because the baby looked like it was asleep, perfectly preserved, just lying there..... 
Oh mother who bore this child, did you not feel even an inkling of love when you glimpsed this heavenly face?

The autopsy room and its apparatus may seem like a butcher work zone but the officer in charge implied that as a medical student, we should start getting used to it, cause its the unofficial classroom for anatomy class. The officer even regaled us with tales of how sometimes it gets so difficult to put your brain back in your cranium that they just close your head up and put your brain in your thoracic cavity or next to your intestines! 



Day 2
Visited the Pharmacy Unit! As an outpatient who's on thyroxine for life, I must say it really tweaked my interest on how my meds make it from the supplier into my mouth. The Pharmacy Unit was so organized thanks to their strict adherence of the Kaizen 5S method! I suggested to Hannis that the KMB MPPs make a trip cause the place was the most organized, cheerful and efficient department I have ever been too!  I instantly felt like 5S-ing my life!

Next up: CSSD unit.
Suit up people! 

Introduction to surgical tools, sterility procedures and procedure kits! Ahh, the shiny shiny scalpels really made my jiwa bergetar XD

I think I have a fetish for surgical clamps.

As usual, we are the most demanding HA group in the world. After our official tour ended, we begged Puan Hamimah (a darling really) to allow us access to the Labour Room. 
And since Hannis is an expert at diplomatic reasoning, we got ourselves in.
Was very worth it! Day 1 we saw the last stage of life, today we witnessed the very beginning of life! The screams of one of the mothers as she was in labour are still ringing in my ears.... Dr Chan showed us how to ultrasound the mothers belly, the early stages of labour (contractions and how far the passage has opened) and the types of abnormal pregnancies like twins and breached babies.
The sister there said that tho labour does hurt, no one actually screams that often. It all depends on individual pain thresholds. If all your energy is channeled to your larynx, your uterus won't be as efficient in pushing that baby out. (It is ur uterus that pushes kan?)

We also made a trip to the Emergency Dept (ED) where with our muka tebals we hijacked a doctors procedure and assisted in setting broken bones! (You gotta be bold in asking doctors for things you want)
ED feels very familiar as I've clocked many hours there with my sister and have been a patient there myself. Plus, after 6 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, your bound to know what triage and trauma are right?



Day 3


Since Sg Buloh was built on the original leper colony, we got to visit the PKKN (Pusat Kawalan Kusta Negara). Leprosy is one of the plagues of the past, thanks to the advent of Dapsone and MDTs, but back in the 1920's, if you had leprosy, you'd have to get yourself checked in here. Its the largest leper colony in Malaysia at one time, having over 2500 patients. 
Some of the nurses there used to work back in the heyday of leprosy, the patients used to be in such pain, and mind you there wasn't any morphine, or ponstan or adequate pain killers back then, and the would hurt so bad that some just commit suicide in their beds. 

Some of the original lepers still remain here, and you can see the effects of the disease. One aunty I asked told me that she'd been there since 1988! 

What it does to your hands.

Couldn't help remembering the King of Jerusalem during the time of Christian occupation during the crusades,  Baldwin the IV and his face when he died. 


The docs there however reassured that its a slow disease, and most patients don't die of leprosy, but of other complications and that modern medicine can have leprosy cured fast.

Our final stop was the rehab centre. Reminded me of grandma and PDKs. Apparently, rehab is the new "in" thing with hospitals and demands for allied health science careers such as occupational therapists, physiotherapists, and rehab doctors have skyrocketed.
Post SPM people, look into these careers. Allied health is still work in the medical field, only the path has less thorns and bumps, and the job satisfaction is equally high.

The gang with our KYUEM friends.

Was definitely a worth it experience. Albeit the fact that we were shooed out of the OT, I still learnt a lot!  Special thanks to Pn Hamimah and Sis Azian fr making this all possible. And the Almighty of course. This is the path I'm determined to take God willing, and I know I gotta make the most of it. 

Next time, I'm just gonna apply for OT visits only! Scratch that, next time, I'm gonna be running my own OT.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

the plunge.

Forty years ago, the Beatles asked the world a simple question: they wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely, the surgical wing of hospitals. As surgeons, we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.


We live our lives on the surgical unit. Seven days a week, 14 hours a day, we're together more than we're apart. After a while, the ways of residency becomes the ways of life. Number one: Always keep score. Number two: Do whatever you can to outsmart the other guy. Number three: Don't make friends with the enemy. Oh, yeah, Number four: Everything, everything is a competition. Whoever said winning wasn't everything... Never held a scalpel


The game. They say a person either has what it takes to play, or they don’t. My mother was one of the greats. Me on the other hand, i'm kinda screwed.I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit, but here's the thing. I love the playing field.


But I still want it bad. Sorry Mer & Yang, I'm hooked. 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

for now, Gaha.

Dear Form Fivers,


Sleep 12 hours a day.
Sit on your bed and bask in that feeling of having, abso-freaking-lutely nothing to do.
Get certified, and get driving!
Do anything that crosses your minds (within legal bounds yeah)
Main, main, main Facebook until you've changed your status 10 times a day and have over a 100 profile pics.
You guys deserved it, and the next few months really was spectacular!


Hmmm, to the SPM '09 batch, do you guys wanna go back in time and finish SPM all over again? But thinking of their scholarship woes, application frenzies and anxiety ahead, I think not.

9/12/2009: Hours after Chemistry ended, we "flew" to Tesco.

I guess its official, I can no longer miss my high school days.