helsinki

More like Hell-Sink-Kiki.


Intimidation.
Is this supposed to happen?

Recall Sauron who sends dark clouds of smoke and ash ahead of his army of sun-phobic Orcs and the Men of Gondor in Minas Tirith are quaking with fear.Darkness was creeping in around them. Then Denethor comes out yelling, 

"Abandon your posts! Flee, flee for your lives!"

And the kingdom would have broke and pandemonium would have ensued if Gandalf didn't come charging in on Shadowfax and gave Denethor the old one two with his staff. And with calm authority he says, 

"Prepare for battle!"

Its like Bentong all over again. When the match ups for the Semis were announced. And the traitorous system decided,  

PENGKALAN CHEPA VS BALIK PULAU

Warning bells in my mind were tolling like Sunday mass at Notre Dame. 


Then the actual debate. And I was shoeless. Thanks to some No Shoes policy, had to face the formidable three stooges in nothing but socks. Stripped of even the comfort of heels albeit 0.5 inch ones.

Like Hermione going against Fluffy. 

Felt short. Like David facing 3 Goliaths. Goliaths in blazers and ties. They hadn't spoken a word yet and I was already thinking, 

" Oh self, you're in for it now."

I know I shouldn't cultivate preconceived notions about all this. I mean its just college. Just college. Draw the line to my hyperbolic imaginations. It will still operate the same way the world does, 

"You want it, you work it."

But its a competition. Fact. Places are limited. The scene from Samurai X where Shishio Makoto is teaching his disciple Soujiro that,

"Its survival of the fittest. The strong shall live and the weak shall die."

instantly comes to mind. Gotta be rational and relax, I know. Just seems that doing so would be complacent and resting-on-laurels behavior. Which is the numero uno on the list to FAILDOM. I get intimidated, then insecure, then super kiasu mode takes over. I don't want to be left behind. I too, slave for success. 


Wishing badly I had Gandalf, who would reassure me by telling me to prepare myself. His eyes twinkling, which you'd instantly interpret as his magical foresight in which he's seen that you'll do great. Even if I didn't he'd swing his staff around and work a miracle. Not making the cut is fast becoming my enemy, growing with epic proportions.


From just Smeagol (my schizo half) to Orc, to Uruk Hai, to tentacle-y creature outside Moria to Nazgul ringwraiths to the Witch King of Angmar himself.


Mana Gandalf? :( 




I have a feeling that I exhibit a tendency to become Christina Yang so please don't say life goes on.

 Jasman, Reza and Izzat,

if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

National Novice 2010 :D