sometimes.

Sometimes,
I want to open my hijab,
and show the world,
that I too,
am beautiful in the people’s definition.

But,
deep down here,
in my little heart,
I know that beauty is by definition,
a mystery.
and it is forever more rewarding,
to be beautiful in God’s eyes.

Sometimes,
I want to wear ruffled dresses and tight jeans,
show off what I really look like,
under those baggy shirts and loosely fitted pants,
make a statement,
that I too,
have a figure and worth looking at.

But,
I know better,
to avoid entering the world of men’s imagination,
for I love my future husband,
and I am ashamed,
what should be his, has already been unveiled by others.

Sometimes,
I want to show the world,
the other side of me,
the bubblier, bolder, and crazier me.
put myself on display,
for everyone to see,
to be desired, and admired upon.

But,
I know that eyes are not just eyes,
seeing is not just seeing,
image and respect are gained,
shame and humility deserve a better place,

Because in the end,
it is not just about me,
I carry a lot of impressions and expectations,
of what a Muslim girl should be,

I am covered by the word “Islam” the moment I walk out of my door,
So don’t be selfish girl,

Can’t you put behind your heart’s desire for something worth fighting for?

Love is all it takes.
Love.

InshaAllah- Via Javanicusmuslima @ tumblr.

So much for 3 weeks.

Challenged is how people progress the best. 

I know my challenge is moving internal pebbles which represent laziness, procrastination and despair. 
Though these are nothing compared to the literal boulders that youth in Tunisia, in Egypt moved when they stood shoulder to shoulder, and channeled the power they had to fight for a better tomorrow. 

My pebbles would be crushed underfoot by the Herculean youth in Palestine who run to the battlefront that lies in their backyard for the sake of their lives.


Yet they remain there. My pebbles. 


Which from the looks of it have grown into monoliths due to the holiday season. 


I don't think carrying these "pebbles" into semester 3 is such a good idea. After all, they could just become stumbling blocks or even back breakers that kill me in the days to come.

This realization is a tad bit late, as I can already feel the tentacles of Semester 3, reaching out and pulling me in. My "pebbles" remain glued to me. This cannot be. Why is it so hard?? 


I know I'm heading for doom, going back to college with a checklist with no checks, a heavy heart and a brain filled with fluff. 


It seems like the only thing that can set me going is the fast paced ticking of the clock. 


EE, TOK, IA, WL. 


It seems that if I don't crush my "pebbles", they might just crush me.