let the light come pouring through, because you are my ceasefire, for M.

Where to begin?

OK, it starts with sorry. Then hello. Then lots of angry words. But ends with I'm here. Because the last words are the ones you're gonna walk away with.

I'm here and will always be here.

1.

Killer triumvirate. We shared secrets. We shared lives. Scehemd schemes. Plotted plots. Passed notes. I loved you girls. Admittedly that I was closer to her, but it didn't mean that I thought of you any less. We just rolled like that. We got through the last year of primary and the shitty first years of high school because we had each other to moon and dream to. Don't ever forget that.

2.

We moved on to greater heights. You changed, but whos to say I didn't change too? We were separated but we came together in times of deep shizz. I told you everything and I expected that you'd be the same way. I'm sorry of I made you feel that I was judging you.
I didn’t reach for you as often as I liked but do understand your biggest comfort was being there. I guess it wasn’t enough for you anymore. Then you went on without me.  I didn't care that you had secrets, both of you, I just wished that you didn't think I'd misunderstand.
Angry words. Too many words. When you used to be on the same team, you know each others weaknesses. Too easy to put arrows through hearts.
Stuttering, then awkward pauses.
It got so hard to speak. Silence. Then we just began filling in the blanks with our own ideas.

3.

I left.
Lots and lots of filling in the blanks. You'd just never know and I will never know how hard it was for you, what was going through your mind, I missed out on your graduation, it was like you were doing 200mph on a freeway and there was no way I'd catch up with you again.
So i was stuck with some black and white memory of us when you've hit 3D on the silver screens already.


We change and we grew up. The tween dreams of senior prom and blowing the high school joint became reality. All we ever wanted was there for the taking. We drive cars and dress up. She and I made up. Turns out the biggest hatcet to go underground was not with me and her, it was you and I.
Like I said, too late.

4.

I'm here.
I'm sorry.
Please lets not be like this.
I'm no one to you now, I get it. We're rockets, who knows what heights you've soared since then.
You were something to me. You may say that I don't know the first thing bout friendship but I spent 3 years thinking bout it.
All the betrayal in your life makes you shut out those who've hurt you. But let me be the first one to break the ice and admit,
Its my fault. Blame me.
I'm here and will always be.

5.

I don't care whats happened. Dear friend, I foresee a lot of struggles for you, but you know, it doesn't matter at all. You may be pregnant or have killed someone, it changes nothing. Thats the miracle of old friends, you can be your utmost worst and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. Just be safe ok? You're brilliant and the worlds really all yours for the taking. Who cares if you've taken unconventional roads, as long as you reach the goal it'll all be worth it.
Be well. Take care. To tell you to rein in your impulsion and your tenacity is cruelty but I prescribe a hint of caution and foresight and you'd really rule the world, the social or economical one.

Be well.

Who am I kidding here? You'd never even read this. How can it be that though I'm dead to you, you're still killing me inside? The truth shall set you free right?