When F becomes S.

 “To meet Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same” – Rudyard Kipling.

I always stumble on blogs advising me on how to handle disaster, impending doom and omg-it’s-the-end-of-the-world situations (being one of the people who contribute to blogs of this sort myself hehe) Reflecting on my own posts, when the success I’ve coveted finally arrives, the usual expressions would be THANK GOD I DID IT followed by a whole row of !!!!!!!!!!! and words like YES I AM SOOOOO HAPPY.

Semester 2 was tough to say the least. It was a sort of a now or never moment for me. Losing everyone’s respect when you don’t perform is not as bad as losing respect for yourself because you know you didn’t try as hard as they did.

The best thing about not making it in the beginning is the chance it gave me to really reflect on every single factor in my life and try to get it in tip top shape again. 

There were moments when I’d just choke, especially close to the exams when I had no definite bedtime and every single hour slept felt like a golden opportunity to study that I missed out upon. 

Getting paranoid, staying up till 7 am then wondering, should I go to sleep or continue with my usual morning routine? 

No matter how hard it got, knowing that Allah was there for me every second, with me every time I stumbled on Econs, knowing that He knows how bad I was at Kinetics and how I was always so careless in Math. Talking to Him became easy, searching for His love came naturally. When exams ended, I left it all in His hands. I had done my part, and He would definitely give me what’s best.

Praises to Him who holds dominion over all, when results came out, the most satisfying part was knowing that I had given it my best.

 I’m not this completely objective being. I didn’t view it as a test at all. In fact, I was down in the dumps for quite a while that I didn’t really know how to react. 

The heady mix of praises, shock and egoistical thoughts went straight to my head and I lost my grip. Who am I kidding when I think that I owe my success to myself?

“When harm touched man, he calls to Us (for help); then when We have (rescued from him that harm and) changed it into a favour from Us, he says: “Only because of knowledge (that I possess) I obtained it.” Nay, it is only a trial, but most of them know not!” 39:49

Yeah, I’ll say it to myself, “IN YOUR FACE!” This is why success is way more potentially harmful to anyone. You start to think that you’re the best, and belittle others in your eyes. 

The tendency to exude self-appraisal and carry round an inflated head between your shoulders is very high. In failure, when you’re all alone, and He’s the most comforting thought you have, you invest all your attention on Him. Success focuses attention on you, so you’d spend less attention focusing on Him.

It’s a sobering thought. Make no mistake, I am thankful for all Allah’s given me I gotta remember that it belongs to Him. He can take it away in an instant, and I’d be way better off without it if it leads me down the expressway to the dark side.

This week’s good news came unexpectedly and I can feel Him watching the way I’m going to go about it. 

I’m beginning to dread the moment when someone asks or telling people because I’m too susceptible to the Big Headed Syndrome. I feel like an idiot when people praise me because as the Prophet mentioned, it’s the worst thing you can do to a friend, equivalent to cutting off their neck. 

It’s such an awkward situation, and I know by experience that most of the people congratulating you won’t give a care once your down and won’t even lend a hand when they see you like that.

 Success is a double edged sword. Failure isn’t a lasting phase. 

Both are trials, bear them both well, for He’s observing you, that’s all I’m trying to say.

And Alhamdulillah, dear Allah, I’m really thankful for the results, the interview, the IELTS and the awareness to know that it was You who set it all up. 

sometimes.

Sometimes,
I want to open my hijab,
and show the world,
that I too,
am beautiful in the people’s definition.

But,
deep down here,
in my little heart,
I know that beauty is by definition,
a mystery.
and it is forever more rewarding,
to be beautiful in God’s eyes.

Sometimes,
I want to wear ruffled dresses and tight jeans,
show off what I really look like,
under those baggy shirts and loosely fitted pants,
make a statement,
that I too,
have a figure and worth looking at.

But,
I know better,
to avoid entering the world of men’s imagination,
for I love my future husband,
and I am ashamed,
what should be his, has already been unveiled by others.

Sometimes,
I want to show the world,
the other side of me,
the bubblier, bolder, and crazier me.
put myself on display,
for everyone to see,
to be desired, and admired upon.

But,
I know that eyes are not just eyes,
seeing is not just seeing,
image and respect are gained,
shame and humility deserve a better place,

Because in the end,
it is not just about me,
I carry a lot of impressions and expectations,
of what a Muslim girl should be,

I am covered by the word “Islam” the moment I walk out of my door,
So don’t be selfish girl,

Can’t you put behind your heart’s desire for something worth fighting for?

Love is all it takes.
Love.

InshaAllah- Via Javanicusmuslima @ tumblr.

So much for 3 weeks.

Challenged is how people progress the best. 

I know my challenge is moving internal pebbles which represent laziness, procrastination and despair. 
Though these are nothing compared to the literal boulders that youth in Tunisia, in Egypt moved when they stood shoulder to shoulder, and channeled the power they had to fight for a better tomorrow. 

My pebbles would be crushed underfoot by the Herculean youth in Palestine who run to the battlefront that lies in their backyard for the sake of their lives.


Yet they remain there. My pebbles. 


Which from the looks of it have grown into monoliths due to the holiday season. 


I don't think carrying these "pebbles" into semester 3 is such a good idea. After all, they could just become stumbling blocks or even back breakers that kill me in the days to come.

This realization is a tad bit late, as I can already feel the tentacles of Semester 3, reaching out and pulling me in. My "pebbles" remain glued to me. This cannot be. Why is it so hard?? 


I know I'm heading for doom, going back to college with a checklist with no checks, a heavy heart and a brain filled with fluff. 


It seems like the only thing that can set me going is the fast paced ticking of the clock. 


EE, TOK, IA, WL. 


It seems that if I don't crush my "pebbles", they might just crush me.

KMB & IB, an unbiased perspective for juniors.

Dedicated to the juniors asking me about IB and Kolej MARA Banting.

Cautionary note: None of you are allowed to cast this up to me/ blame me for this in the future.

I shall try to be as objective and unbiased as possible, but, as you will soon learn in TOK, as humans this is not completely achievable.

The Program

The IB Diploma Programme is designed as an academically challenging and balanced programme of education with final examinations that prepares students, normally aged 16 to 19, for success at university and life beyond. The programme is normally taught over two years and has gained recognition and respect from the world's leading universities.

Through the IB Diploma Programme, students gain rigorous and balanced academic preparation, an ability to draw on knowledge and understanding of various cultures and histories, and the experience of learning how to think critically and apply what they have learned in different contexts and across disciplines.

The IB understands that success in higher education and beyond involves thinking critically and creatively. The IB Diploma Programme’s challenging curriculum educates the whole student, developing the capacity for inquiry, research and problem-solving as well as essential skills for communication and collaboration

(http://www.ibo.org/recognition/)

To summarize, it means that IB is focused on more than academic achievement only.

If you're studying style is pretty much like SPM, A-Levels is a better choice cuz it is academic oriented and your subject combinations are focused on your field of choice. 

If you're looking to be all-rounded students and are interested in concerning yourself with more than just studies, than IB's just the thing for you.

Kolej MARA Banting itself.

Studying at KMB: 

MARA offers:

Medicine (bound to any of the following: UK, Ire, Aus, NZ, India, NuMed, PMC, IMU etc) 

Engineering (bound to UK, US, Canada, Aus etc)

Biotech (UK, US, Canada, Aus etc) 

Economics/Finance (bound to US)

JPA offers:

Medicine, Dentistry and Engineering

Petronas offers:

Geology, Petroleum Engineering (bound to Canada, US)

FELDA offers:

Biotech, Engineering 

The class system is Monday-Thursday, 8.00-2.20pm on CAS week or 8.00-1.30 for non-CAS week. Fridays is till 12.30. The system is a lot like school BUT do not mistaken the subjects or the teaching style or workload to be like SPM again. Paradigms have to be shifted, no matter how much this place feels like school, it is, in its essence a college, and thus demands more from you.

Living in the College

Ex-boarding schoolers should have no problem. KMB's pretty great for boarding school standards.

Laundry service is STELLAR! The Ko-op and the Cafe and DS food provides enough sustenance for 2 years (ha, I hope!) There's a gym, excellent jogging track, 2 people per room....

If you're expecting private college comforts, this ain't the place to go. The key is to focus on why you've come and be thankful :)

The community is very supportive, especially spiritually. One of the reasons I'm most thankful for KMB.

No matter what you hear, if you do get IB, it proves you're tough and can withstand anything IB throws at you. 

I look at my seniors and I see heroes and warriors who've held strong and made it all the way to the very last hurdle. Drawing inspiration from them, I'm sure if you've landed in KMB, you're going to be a survivor too!

10 things I love About KMB

10. Breathtaking views during sunset and sunrise! And the rainbows....

9. Uplifting Usrahs

8. Doing class projects (G4, International Fair) when everyone's stressing out at the concourse, while setting up our boards

7. There's a different week all the time (Int. Fair, Mental Health, BM, Social Sc....)

6. When mak cik DS lets you take 2nd helpings of kuih if you ask her nicely :)

5. The way so many things happen in one week that last week seems like a lifetime ago

4.Co-Q class (terbaikkkkk cause we haven't had one this semester!)

3. The really nice Lab Assistants and LRC librarians (such sweet people)

2. Thursday night ceramah

1. The teachers who stay on till 5.30 just to help you during consultation. Really the most dedicated ones I've ever met. 

Additional Components
Lets just say, this can be pure pleasure or pain depending on how your outlook on life is.


CAS!
Creativity. Action. Service. 
This would be your thing if you want to fill your college days with meaningful/creative/challenging experiences outside the classroom.
The best part of IB to me. I know 180 hours seems like a bulk, but it really isn't. Mr Latiff's favourite quote on CAS: "4-5 hours a week and continuous involvement!"


Who's Mr Latif? Come to KMB and meet him yourself.


You get to work with kids with special needs, teach Orang Asli kids, and help out people with Downs' syndrome fortnightly for External CAS (which is one school day where you go out and be help out the community!Wicked, no? I'm going to miss CAS day)

There are the usual sports clubs, with a few cool additions like lawn bowl, and FRISBEE (my current fave) and other clubs like GEM, Performing Arts, English Club, Creative Club, HOPE, Taska etc. If you're really enthusiastic, there's stuff like Fish4Life, Cambodian Project, Sehati Serumpun, Love Symphony and Smiling Soul which are different groups who organize their own service projects overseas (Cambodia, Indonesia, Vietnam) and locally (Sabah).

There are competitions, and activities organized by clubs, and you'll never have nothing to do in the IB. It will never leave you alone. Seriously.


TOK 
Theory of Knowledge.

Don't worry if you're first response to this was "Heh?!" I've been at it close to a year and it still never fails to make me go "HEH?!" often. It's basically like philosophy and aims to try to get students to THINK.


Which we're surprisingly terrible at. Reminds me of the joke that says Malaysian brains are the most expensive. Why? Because it's rarely used. =___=


You get to question knowledge, in all areas, and discover the ways of knowing and your perception of the world will change.


And your perception of the word "perception" will too.


You don't have TOK exams, but you have to submit a TOK essay on any of the 10 prescribed titles and you'll have to do a presentation which will be recorded and sent to the IBO. All this accounts and EE accounts for the 3 marks in your final IB exam.


EE

Extended Essay.
For all the ex-MRSM-ers, it's akin to Project SEM, only longer, more specific.
It's a research paper done in any subject that you take that analyses elements of that subject.


Like you could do research on Bio about the effect of acid rain on the growth of Mung beans. Gotta be more specific though.


Or you could do one in the languages, like English, and compare the syntax and diction of 2 magazines in Malaysia and how it appeals to teens.


(These are just examples of EEs done by seniors so no plagiarism here)


Your research has got to be 4000 words and has to be thorough and contributes to society in some way. 


EE will introduce you to a handful of emotions you never knew you possessed. (And I haven't even gone pass the table of contents yet ...)


World Literature 


In Malay A1, you learn world literature novels in your 2nd sem so at the end of it you have to produce 1200-1500 words on a comparison of 2 of the novels you learnt.


I love learning the novels in IB, simply because it's like actual literature, where you're free to interpret and analyze without having to memorize the given themes and other aspects from reference books. The novels themselves are, well, matured to say the least like Madam Bovary, Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice etc. You really get different insights from all over the world as it stresses on Cultural Interactions. 


There are other parts of IB but I can't expose too much for fear of allergic afflictions and premature panic. (I remember panicking myself when I first heard about IB...)

IB will give you plenty of moments to make memories. When you solat berjemaah, study berjemaah, stress berjemaah, you realize that you're not alone on this journey.  


Any further questions, just drop 'em in the FB inbox. See you loves in June. Secretly, the would-be seniors are anxious to see which one of you guys will take our place and join us in this IB World School.

Maaf, jawapan tiada dalam skema.

Read this letter written to the editor in the STAR recently about this girl in Form 5 who wrote an answer that used her logic in her Moral paper (What qualities does Mother Teresa possess? = Caring) and got it marked as "Incorrect" because it wasn't in the answer scheme.

Honestly, it doesn't take a genius to know that Mother Teresa is caring. The limitations of an answer scheme doesn't make this wrong.

But, according to the Malaysian education system, the answer scheme is always right. 

Thus, as far as Moral Education goes, Mother Teresa isn't caring.

Oh ha, what does this say about the Malaysian education system?

What does this say about MALAYSIANS?

I remember the "Zaman Kegemilangan" post SPM results when I was reassured that I was "smart" and that my future was going to be "OK".

Then IB happened and the truth of my SPM education was revealed.

a) I've just been memorising answers and workings all this while, cause thats a fail safe way to a sure A right?

b) Imbibe the answer scheme and you shall triumph.

c) Thinking is limited to certain subjects only.

d) You cannot challenge the knowledge. The textbook is always right. So be it if it was last revised 5/8/10 years ago. It is the truth. Period. And what's with the undecided language for Maths & Science? Still questioning to academic reasoning versus the political rationale for this. I know I'm going to get haters for this statement but I don't see what's wrong in the English system. Come to Pre-U and tertiary level, English is still the medium of instruction, no? 

e) SPM results means NOTHING once you're in IB. Not an assurance of continual success. Trust me, I should know a lot about this one.

No offence to the awesome high-flyers in the recent SPM, you guys did great, but before you rest on your laurels when entering pre-u, reevaluate the system you guys have just left. Note that it is an exam-oriented (memorize and regurgitate) system that puts most emphasis on studies. 

I don't remember studying without a major exam to pass as the ultimate goal back in high school.

I didn't even have Sports Day in Forms 4 and 5. Most of my Form 5 year was spent cooped up in my room surrounded by books and past years.

It's really not surprising why breaking out of that mindset and dealing with IB takes ages. We've been trained like this for 11 years, much change 2 semesters's gonna make. 

So I know stellar SPM results are to die for, but high school and scholarship apps is where it ends. 

In the harsh reality of pre-u (ok fine, maybe just IB) it really doesn't measure up to much. 

The thing that I never understood till IB:

Education is about learning, for knowledge's and God's sake. 

kids, think thrice.

Hello and welcome to REALITY. 

Please keep your arms, legs and thoughts in check at all times.

You are kindly reminded to leave all emotions at the entry, and enter this space calmly.

Yes, you have to discard sloth, envy and that lingering frustration too, Ma'am. There's no place for these items in REALITY.

Now, let us display whats on our menu today:

A good healthy dosage of homework, for starters, we ensure you that all this will greatly benefit you in your later life. You are advised to finish all of it and not complain about the copious amounts you are served.

Did we mention that complaints are prohibited on board reality?

Well now you know, so kindly zip it.

Next up, your Extended Essay. A marvelous project intended to give you exposure to research. Of course there are side effects but permanent head damage is something you have to deal with on your own terms. We apologize but we do not carry anything in our stock for stress relief. 

That affliction is deemed trivial and sympathies are all we can offer you.

Now the main course. Seasoned with topic tests, and rich garnish of Internal Assessments, specially put together to enhance the taste and quality of your education! 

Bitter? There must be something wrong with your taste buds. We've specially prepared this program to fulfill and nourish your last years of your teenage life!

The best for last, your dessert for today is Theory of Knowledge, a gastronomical masterpiece! We'd like to add a word of advice that this dish may contain elements and may induce constipation, constriction of bowels and spur sudden panic attacks for those with allergies.

The sponsors would like to remind you that if you do not reach your target of 36 points (that is 36 for now, until a further point in the future when we may decide to torture you further) you may face sudden termination and you're time, sweat and sanity are strictly non-refundable. 

We are glad to announce that we are on a one way express, going 500 mph. We have uninstalled the brakes  to optimize speed and you are again reminded to not complain.

Our destination today is success. Our estimated time of arrival, is, well we haven't a clue yet but will keep you informed when we do.

We apologize deeply for any inconvenience caused, but really, there is no room for mistakes or apologies on board REALITY.

Enjoy your time here. There is really nowhere else for you to run anyways. As mentioned, this is REALITY, and we ARE taking over.

Hello IB, my new reality. 

Dear Jumnik, with love.

Where do I begin? *chokes*

The past 3 months wasn't easy. 

The sacrificed weekends, 

the cake cutting mornings, 

the 55 boxes, 

the re-planning activities.

 But the moment I stepped off that bus, 

into the arms of the Jumnik villagers,

They told us they were counting days till we arrived.

What did I give to them, till I deserved to receive so much? 

The way they treated us like kings, served us with the best food, how our house was the only one with electricity, while they lived in pitch darkness. 

The night sky, sprayed with stars.

How all the kids and boys would sit and talk to us at night.

The way the boys in my class welcomed the little knowledge I gave them. 

The way the grandmothers hugged me when we gave them donations. 

The smiles, the tears, the sweat, the laughs.

The way everyone called us 'Sister' and 'Brother'. 

God willing, we'll come back. 

Their voices singing, and their laughter in my ears,

the cute babies, smiling adults.

How their lives are so full and happy, when they have so little.

Really, with the contentment they have, 

we're not the lucky ones, 

they are.

Thank you, Jumnik.

To the team,

We had our fights, our breakdowns, our skirmishes,

but we came out of it, together.

We lived this moment, as a team.

We gave them the best of us,

but they gave us even more, no?

To Miss Loh (mummy) and Pak Lan (bapak) 

your kids LOVE you very very much.

Was it just 5 days there?

Our lives have changed.

I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE.

Now that its all over, 

their faces replay in my mind,

the laughter, the tears,

how do I even put it into words?

"Brother what is that?" he said as he points to the moon.

"Its the moon" replied one of us.

"I will look to the sky every time I miss you, brother."