Answer.

Hello Med School. Hello IIU. Hello debate.

Best of all, hello future.

Aim for the next 2 weeks, sever myself from the bed, laptop, fridge, flat screen. Get over holiday withdrawal system. Spike my endorphin levels again, time to whoop my ass back into shape.

Tra la la!

To all my friends, never think the worst of what God Almighty has predestined for you, for his designs for life are more than what His slaves are aware of. Life is a play, your role is set, your script written, only you don't know what it is yet.

So Sue Me.

So I went to court. Nope, I did not run someone over with my car but I played the role of "Supporting Act" to my big sister as she was supposed to testify as a witness to a maid abuse case.

So heres a note to all Dr Wannabes, doctors get subpoenaed too!

This is actually my second time going to court after accompanying G to her first testifying stint at Shah Alam High Court to testify as the doctor in charge for a murder case in which she allegedly drew blood from the witness.

2nd note to Dr Wannabes, proper documentation at all times, because after attending to 100 patients a day, you're not going to remember them, murder suspect or not.

We arrived bright and early, punctual as ever and entered Makhamah Majistret Ampang. We were shocked cuz it was already filled with people with very anxious faces. Everyone stared at us, the two nitwits, merrily walking into the courtroom, with the nerve to even be lugging thick novels. Well, what can I say, berani kerana benar takut kerana salah? And we weren't guilty at all!

So the scene was dominated by police officers, walking in and out, with thick files, a few suspects awaiting trial who came in handcuffed to officers, grim looking family members, teary eyed moms, UBER PURPOSEFUL lwayers oozing confidence with this "You dare contradict me?" air to them. In short, we stuck out like sore thumbs.

Court began and Your Honour stepped in. Must admit after watching Law & Order, Laws of Attraction and every other court room scene on TV, I was so excited! But like they always tell you, don't believe everything you see on the telly.

Bummer Moment # 1 : Malaysian court is in Malay. And this goes against my cerebral language.

The first witness who was a Forensics Doctor was called up. She was sworn in, (Ooooh, they actually do hold their right hands up and you know the part where in the movies they say "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" in Malay its "Saya bersumpah untuk berkata yang benar-benar belaka", LMAO) and the State Prosecutor got the ball rolling.

Bummer Moment # 2 : In court, the judge writes EVERY LAST WORD you say, so you have to speak as though your conversing to a hearing impaired person, word for word. With adequate pauses so she can jot it down. And the judge even asked the doctor how to spell some medical terms. As Osman put it, very stone age.

Once the basic questions were asked they moved on to the findings of the medical examination conducted.

Bummer Moment # 3 : Every single bruise, cut, abrasion, etc on the witness has to be verified, the state, the number, what could have caused it. Oh lord, this maid had like fifty of them. Was empathetic for the first 20 of her wounds, but soon, I'm so sorry, I zoned out.

After about 30 minutes of the laggy conversation, I turned to Sherlock Holmes for comfort, and lost myself in the pages of a good mystery.

An hour later the fact that it was 10.17 am, and I was dragged out of my slumber at 8am, when my usual rise and shine time is 11am, finally caught up with me.

Slept like I used to in MRSM, chin up, mouth open, head lolling, totally oblivious of everyone else's keyed up nerves. I was just a spectator anyways.

Bummer Momemnt # 4: Woke up at 12pm, and the same Dr was still being questioned. She wasn't even cross examined yet. Oh my holy moly.

At this point my tummy needed sustenance so we upped and left when court adjourned for a 15 minute break. We decided to just abscond, skip the cross examination and return after lunch. So we went to run some errands, and after a fortifying German deli lunch, we were back at court at 2.15pm.

And guess what, the same witness was on the stand. And according to the bailiff there, the court did NOT adjourn for lunch! Meaning, this poor lady was talking for 5 hours before they let her go!

And when it was supposed to be G's turn, they turn around as say, your case has been postponed to the 17th of June. So she got a whole day off work, a whole day in which she could've seen 30 patients! For absolutely nothing. And she would have to miss another day of it in June.

Bummer Moment # 5 : I woke up at 8am for nothing. Give me back my beauty sleep.

Malaysian justice system seems a bit wonky to me. And I'm glad for the pat on my back daddy gave me for not sealing my fate as a lawyer. I'd do it no different. It was truly god sent. No regrets, I do not want to be a lawyer. Though they look superhuman in their suits and ties, I'd rather be a sweat-faced tired out doctor. For now at least. Tee hee.

AYTR.

2 weeks = Friends for life. Unlikely, improbable but not impossible.

The best thing about PKTR 2009 is it never ended. We're still rocking. And I want it to keep this way for the next 20 years.

Aimi Nabila, MPH is a bad place to play hide and seek, especially if you're sitting down between the Architecture books.

Ain, I think we had more sound effects than KICK ASS! I elect you as my new movie partner. When's the next one?

Affrrin, don't kid yourself la, 11.15 to you means 12.30, but thanks for planning! And I hope it really was size 11.

Nik Azwan, next time I'll make sure you drive by Ampang! And next time we have to take more pictures in public places cuz if everybody's staring at us, we should give them a good reason to stare!

Qissss, good luck for Law UEM, my ambil gambar addict! Hope you enjoyed your Rotiboy! Great to see us Canopians were the most out today.

Ziha, I know now you and shopping malls are a bad mix.... I do want to see you again, and I'd be honoured if you came over, I'll just never admit all this to your face.

To all our other absent siblings, don't despair, we missed you guys, Abg Khairul and Abg Tengku included and I'll represent all 68 of us when I say, I MISS ALL OF YOU SUPERSTARS!

And to our revered Mr Penghulu, Naufal Nasihin, we're all rooting for you in the Land of the Free.

To my Biro partner, Fazmey , that Japan scholarship has your name on it, good luck!

The rest of us, our time will come, WE ARE THE WORLD and we'll FOCUS on making it great.

An In Between to Escape This Desperate Scene

I'll try to believe you when you tell me the world is at my feet,

Right now all I see is this big looming NOTHING in front of me.

All is meant to be, will be.

I know its true but to believe in it fully is uphill work.

This may sound very juvenile but this is what I've wanted since I was a tot.

I'm not good at taking opportunities, all I view this extra time as is me being counter-productive.

Petrified that Mum and Daddy will have to pay for my education yet again.

Mortal fear of being a burden on my parents.

Anxious to start my future.

My teenage fantasy is not a hot stud, leaning down and gazing into my eyes and whispering in his husky voice, confessing words undying love.

I fantasize waking up to a delivery from the mail man, with the words, TAHNIAH PERMOHONAN ANDA DITERIMA, plastered on it. A letter with a pledge to award me with 1.5 million to go be a doctor in the Old Country. A symbol that an organization out there has faith in me.

Say what you want, but I can't just twiddle my thumbs in silence.

I've toiled. Its only right that I reap what I sowed?

I gaze around at all your triumphant faces. All my blessed friends, I am happy that your paths seem illuminated, proud of you guys for making such feats. TNB, PNB, Khazanah, UEM, BNM, Yayasan, JPA, Sime Darby are all yours for the taking. I pray everyday that one day I can smile alongside you guys too. A part of the elite.

Patience is a virtue. I guess this is just another lesson I have to learn.

Its really just losing to you that I hate.

We were on par. I'd like to keep it that way.

Babies, babies.

Went off to Wani Dan's Mcmansion in Bangi with Seha. Was a much needed sojourn out of my inmate lifestyle and preserved my mental sanity wonderfully.

So we started off with tea, mee, and keropok! Then came 3 epis of Mr Brain, and I strongly disagree that Kimura Takuya is hot no matter what you both say.

Silenced Seha's pleas and forced her to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose which she insisted she only watch 10 minutes but ended up watching the whole 120 minutes due to the fact that this movie lies. Its not scary in fact Saffiya, Wani's 2 year old niece watched the whole thing without even flinching. Come on people, the climax of this movie is Emily's exorcism, where she screams "1,2,3,4,5,6!". Thats it?

Disappointment clothed in a DVD box is what I call this.

When the telly bored us, it was on to the kitchen! It was 3 and a half girls (Saffiya too!), a recipe copied from the net, ingredients stolen from Wani's pantry and the need to just bake something, regardless of what! So 5 eggs, and too many chocolate chips later.... our masterpiece was tanning in the oven. And the 3 anak dara switched on Fly FM and danced around at midnight. Realized that Paramore incites little children into talking and baking is literally a piece of cake!

Before....

AFTER!

The result was a diabetes causing cake cuz us smarties used coarse sugar instead of icing sugar. But us being the non-conforming people who don't give 2 hoots bout calorie counting considered it a success! Sorry Adham Dan for you not getting any dinner but I hope we made you smile by the cake in your bekal today.

By the way, baking while carrying a 2 year old around is highly discouraged, trust us, we know.

Had the compulsory gossip / catching up session with my Sayangs. Brought back so many memories, talking to you guys, reminiscing our psycho adventures, dear God, please let me have at least one of them with me in whichever college you decide is the best for me.

Had another round of ghost stories, settled for a Malay one, Kem 505. Wasn't even a ghost story, just another very predictable psycho thriller. Tried to watch Bring it On the sequel but we gave up after it got stuck for the 50th time. Turned our attention to playing "masak-masak" and entertaining Piya.

2 year olds are so easily lied to, so needy. Makes you think 1 thousand times before you want to have one. She's a cute kid, very genial and good natured, gets along with everyone but LOVES her Mak Ni aka Wani and will cry with the slightest hint of Wani going off without her. But she gets over it too easily. Place anything new in front of her and she shuts up immediately. She's intrigued by plastics, toys, phones even if you wiggle your finger she wants to grab it!

Just a cover up, Seha's the one having fun here.

I haven't had a chance to play with a baby since Amalin was here a month ago. Although you have to admire Wani for having so much patience to play with Piya all day, its not easy to see why she does it. You can't help loving a kid. It just brings the house alive! And no one can say no when she's smiling at you like this,

Melts my heart to butter. I miss you kid. It was just 36 hours but you stole my heart. May you grow up to be a model Muslimah, may Allah and Islam be the shining light in your life, may you never lose your smile, may your twinkly eyes always glisten with dreams, hopes and life. May you always be as cheerful and loving as you were when you hugged me and said "Ta Ta".

The first time I flashed the camera in her face.

She starts to become quite a poser...

Even gets upset when I refuse to take more.

Wani and Seha, thank you for an upbeat 36 hours. We must repeat this exercise again. And for those of you who don't know this song, Saffiya wants you to learn it

Cok, cok umpin,

Umpin dalam gantang,

Mana tikus bunting,

Lari masuk lubang!

I think there is a maternal side in me.

Worms.

Reading list 2010.

Books with benefits,

1. La Tahzan (Don't Be Sad)

2. Of Crusaders and the Mongul Hordes: The Tale of Saladin

3. Prophetic Medicine

4. Lifetime Science Book 5 ( Been gathering dust on my dresser...)

5. Tafsir of The Holy Quran

6. Truth of The Life of This World

7. Three Cups of Tea

Favourites of Long Ago,

1. How To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

2. Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell

3. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy

4. Emma, Jane Austen

5. Emily of New Moon, LM Montgomery

6. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne

7. Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Books of Times Before,

1. Girl with a Pearl Earing, Tracy Chevalier

2. Red Poppies, Alai

3. The Book of Eleanor Aquitane, Pam Kaufman

4. The Rose Grower

5. Alice in Exile

6. The Siege, Helen Dunmore

Here and Now

1. The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown

2. Caught, Harlan Coben

3. The Last Song, Nicholas Sparks

4. Have A Little Faith, Mitch Albom

5. Under the Dome, Stephen King

6. Change of Heart, Jodi Picoult

Chick Lit!!!

1. Lipstick Chronicles, (Must have ALL)

2. Jemima J, Jane Green

3. Something Borrowed, Emily Griffin

4. Mini-Shopaholic, Sophie Kinsella

5.Last Night at Chateau Marmont, Lauren Weisberger

6. Getting Mad, Getting Even, Annie Sanders

Heartbreak Warfare.

Don't assume.

"Syak, how was your interview? Oh, knowing you I'm sure you did fine. No la, I know you're great, you exaggerate."

Here's the thing. I didn't. It wasn't modesty, it was honesty. If I have to hear this query again, I pray for patience so I can smile in silence because if I pray for strength I might just beat you up.

I know I'm kiasu and uber competitive but at least I'm aware of it, which is halfway down the road to curing myself already. (Cheee, must be a very very long road indeed).

I play to win, always.

I only invest in things with potential.

When I do work something, its "GO GO GO" all the way.

When I don't hit bullseye forgive me for sulking, not speaking or brooding about it.

Everyone has defense mechanisms. This is mine, so deal with it. I promise I'll snap outta this mode real soon. But for now, I may be chatty but this is one time where I really have

"No comments".

Before SPM was the time for the effort, the time to eat, talk, breathe, poop studies. Before the interview was the time to doa, to ask for Almighty's guidance and blessing.

After both comes the hard part, to totally leave it all in the hands greater than anyones, totawakkal and have faith that whatever that comes to you is the best for you.

If time won't rewind, at least my memories will.

Its was bleak, cut me some slack here ok?

When it rains, it pours.

Super sized Saturday.

Made the effort to not be a bumm and dragged myself to 3 separate events.

No mean feat for a grouch like me whose daily routine rotates around thy laptop, bed, kitchen and television. I'd like to think that I'm soaking in the nothingness and the sense of no sense at all before life has to have a meaning and aim again.

Went to send G off at her stylist.

Met up with Divvan! Its been awhile buddy. And boy are you tall, no wonder your JPA interviewer commented on your height. Was very self conscious of hanging around with his friends, the anti-social side almost took over for a minute! But budak ex-MRSM sekapala jugak, and it wasn't so bad. Divv, thanks for letting me vent and for sharing the gossip (guilty pleasure!).

Nice to have met Syahira, Mo, Haziq, Amirul and Haekal.

What I learnt: Iced peach tea tastes good. Products of MRSM rocks socks. I am a she-wolf.

Rushed on to a Putra to Gombak, hopped on a cab to UIA, traipsed around in my heels at KAED looking for any sign of MRSM Pengkalan Chepa and managed to get the location of their room from Madam Zakiah but it turns out its in the Kuliyyah of Engineering.

(Feeling like a lost lamb) I turned corridors, then got confronted by a lady saying "Your from MRSM Balik Pulau right?" and I went like "Nooo-o-o, I was ex-Pengkalan Chepa". Then flashbacks of my transgressions and impersonations at UITM's National Novice made me realize that I had just given myself away, I tried to turn away and who but Reza happens to be in the corridor behind me. Ngee, saved! Begins to believe that coincidences are God's way of staying anonymous.

Apparently 2 lost lambs have better sense of direction than 1. Got to see a very dry debate as both teams were like 2 sides of a parallelogram. What grounds were you debating on again? Sighed on behalf of Madam for having to adjudicate, was so bored resorted to texting Ee Laine about tonight. Went to visit Seetha and the real Balik Pulau-ians and stayed for their adjudication. Short attention span came into action again and was reading Reza's SAT book to keep from going crazy.

Maybe I'm getting too tired for debates.

Cheer up shout out to my darlings Batrisyia, Amalina, Nadhirah and Amirah. The first ones always the toughest. But you'll make it through! We compete to learn, no matter what, I'm always proud of you younglings.

Realisedthat birds of a feather flock together, the debate scene is populated with familiar faces. Eshwaren was there and I;ve always liked him due to the ego boost he gave me in July 2009. Seri Permata boys! Afiq Bankie who is a self-professed kaki debate like me and the SASER-ians.

What I learnt: I have a love/hate relationship with debate. UIA is huge. I really like Kit Kats.

Mum and daddy picked me up, breezed home to change, grabbed a fresh handbag and was off to meet Mel T, Erin, Dharr and Kye Li. Mel drove, though Kye Li kept testing her concentration. Voiced out our frustrations at being rejected for scholarships, and the various awarding bodies that we hate now! Grrrr.

Had a BLAST at Souled Out where we were the noise squad for the Man U vs Man City game (why wasn't it Arsenal??).

Haseef had a crazy birthday because Jon crashed into a divider and their GPS was lying to them, leading them to PLUS instead of Hartamas. Sorry Haseef dear, I hope we made it better with the cake and company. Met up with Elaine Chiong, Ann, Channie, Hakim, Josh, Marc, Kean Seng, Faisal, and Chu Meng. Though we've been apart for a long long while, its good to know we can still gel well and go bonkers with each other. Belted out the birthday song, realizing that we were such attention seekers, and had fun cheering for Man U's win although as Erin agreed, we didnt care who won, we just wanna make noise! Thanks Mel for driving us home, really appreciate it.

What I learnt: Get a camera with a Twilight mode, mocktails are magnificent, drive carefully in the rain.

Thank you God for the awesome possum day to break me out of my amoebic bordering manic depressive lifestyle. It was great therapy for the things that happened this week which I'm still unable to cope with. Sememangnya, you know best.

Live like a bum long enough, you become one.

Old fashioned at heart.

Its called time setting immersion.

Got too much time on your hands? Try going BACK into time.
Flashback to the 1930's - 1960's era, the age when your parents were conceived, born and raised. In an effort to further understand the existing generation gap between me and momma and pops. Those decades, close to the turn of the century were filled with clashing opinions and interest. Kinda like our time now. War heroes, ideologists and the new generation unsure whether to go on with accepted traditions or move on to new liberal ways where confining social rules were scraped. No matter what they were going through, stuff from way back then is still beyond cools, its groovy!

My pick on all the great things of this age.
The tunes that still do it for me,

1. Nat "King" Cole
Before the dawn of rock, he ruled jazz and Girl from Ipanema, Misty, and Smile really gives you feel of this time period.

2. Elvis Presley He's Elvis, 'nuff said. Burning Love, Blue Suede Shoes, I Can't Help Falling In Love. Classics which everyone loves, seriously.

3. Beatles
More than just a cliche, theres a reason why Paul McCartney still makes E! because regardless of his personal life, the Beatles really made good music. Yellow Submarine, Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, Hey Jude (how many times did I karaoke this with Daniel Jude and Haseef?), Yesterday (One of the only songs which daddy knows more lyrics than I do!)

4.Frank Sinatra
I still remember in the movie Ocean's 13 when Ruben told his casino mogul friend that, "We both shook Sinatra's hand, so we don't go back on each other", proof that he was a legend. My Way (One of Tun Mahathir's favourite songs), Fly Me to The Moon, White Christmas, It Had To Be You, basically most romantic comedies will have him as a soundtrack for the "Awwh" moments when the lovers finally get their happily ever after....

Drown yourself in the movies, I know I have,

1. The Godfather
Oh Michael Corleone (AL PACINO)! Francis Ford Coppola really gave an insight into the underworld of the Italian mob, their dynamics and the way you do as your told or your shot on the street while buying fruit. The classic, "Nothing personal, strictly bussiness" quote really describes the way Mikey just gets out of the loo and shoots Sollozzo and McCluskey like it was nothing.


2. An Education
Rare detailings of the life of a normal English schoolgirl in this era. Jenny Mellor(Carrey Mulligan) represents the hopes of parents at this age who have conflicting interests, modern enough to stress on an Oxford education but conservative enough to let her throw it all away to get married. Jenny's rebellion, deceit and quest to find herself shows that teenage rebellion is the same throughout history. And men cannot be trusted, another age old truth.



3. The Sound Of Music
7 adorable Austrian kids, Julie Andrews playing a nun turned governess, a widowed naval hero, all in one uber amazing house by the lake with collosal gardens and a ballroom. Enough reason for me break out into song myself. Timeless classic, with the element of an imminent war and the scheming Baroness Schrader, portrays the life of European aristocrats and the cruelty of the Third Reich force. Come on, "16 going on 17" and "Do Re Mi" is like a kindergarten must.

4. Breakfast at Tiffany's
Blair Waldorf and I have the thing for Audrey Hepburn in common. Holly Golightly and Cat and the little black dress is truly iconic, though I'm not sure this was the '60s but heck, I love it anyway. More proof that you marry for love not money! And you can't make money from talking to a man in prison without some ulterior motive on his part ok ladies?

5. Casablanca
The triangle between Laszlo, Rick and Ilsa shows that in love, all plots are overrated. But the way Ilsa left Rick for Laszlo and the sacrifice he made to save her from the Nazi's was beautiful. And I really hope it was a beautiful friendship that Rick found in the end. God knows he deserved it.

Read about it too,

1. The Great Gatsby
"I am a slow thinking man full of interior rules that act as a brake to my desires"
New York, gay parties and a lesson to all drivers never to drive over anyones wife. A literary masterpiece. Naive dreams have only one destination, destruction.

2. Atonement
Though it was made into a movie, McEwan wrote about it first! The potency of a secret and how one lie can destroy and in the end eat you alive from inside. The lengths in which Briony goes to seek forgiveness in her own way when those she hurt were no longer alive and the wrongs she caused too big to right. Keira's movie version wasn't too bad either.

3. The Catcher in the Rye
Didn't like this book, will try to digest it someday. But good reviews la.

4. Eloise
For a more flighty, candy-tinted version of this era, Eloise living at the Plaza is a great read. She's cute and resourceful, this was also turned into a movie, but it was written by Kay Thompson first!

Shall research more for the literature, these books aint easy to get your hands on these days.

Tribute to mum and daddy. Times have changed but I don't think you guys have :P

good times keep on rolling huh,

How can someone be so nice yet so mean.

How do you do it, be a living, walking, breathing contradiction.

That excites you, doesn't it?

Being so exotic and so different, makes your self importance sky rocket right?

Well get this,

Enough is enough. You wanna toy with someone, it shall not be me, Mr!

Not a minute more will I put up with your twisted emotions.

Your either in or your out. And right now, I now where your loyalties lie.

So be it.
Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman.

For what its worth, the person who said it couldn't be more right.

Rejection, its an art.

We're all born with the belief that the world is our cookie, so take a big, big bite out of it kiddo!

And insipidly we believe that life is all swell and when they tell us to dream big, we do what they say.

We dream, we hope, we plan.

We never realize that God is the master planner.

We hardly ever factor in that things will never always go our way. You find yourself saying, "Hey, I planned hard!" or "I know I deserved it, I do, I DO!" or "Why not me?"

Sometimes in life, you lose, you fail, you get REJECTED.

It takes a smarter person to know when to accept defeat, it takes a wiser person to look the bitter pill in the face and decide to down it anyways, it takes a real fighter to know when to call it quits today but come back with twice more fight tomorrow. And it takes the bigger person to give so much to someone and accept that they can't give you the same amount all the time.

We hope for the best but prepare for the worst? Today, I didn't. So today, I get my come-uppance. Today, I'll come out and face my demons.

You seemed happy till I walked into the room and opened my big fat trap. (Ego gets bashed here..)

It was especially hard for me today to not only connect with total strangers, but impress them and prove my point. (Whats left of ego gets battered here....)

Their parting gifts for me were words that banished my fate far far away (Ego comes crashing down like a building on TNT)

Couldn't unplaster the smile of my face so I just dusted myself off and clawed my way to the exit. (Completely demoralized at this point.) For the sake of the rest of you guys, it was only fair that I soothed your fears by pretending mine were non-existent and kept the flag of your hopes flying high. If I screwed up my turn, you guys deserved to enter that room without the memory of it screwing up yours.

Thank you Fiqri and Nik for being the crutches to my limping soul by saying the magic words "Jom pergi bowling!" padahal last2 pergi makan KFC dekat PAS je. Although I didn't say it, it meant the world and more to me.

I promise I'll be ok, one chink in my armour doesnt spell the end to my career.

Today, on the birthday of my realism, I'll say it loud and clear that you mean a lot to me. Your absence is akin to crushed glass, fine powder, seemingly innocuos but scrapes and stings when you try to brush it off. And your a total nitwit if you think I'll be like this forever. Everybody, embrace rejection, what else can you do anyways?

The days consolation, rejection too, like everything else shall pass.

Apologies for the melodrama, saya budak baru belajar.

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear.

Its 12.07 am, here's what I should be doing,

My MARA essay, on the easiest topic imaginable, MYSELF, why does this not seem easy anymore!

Find my blood work forms for tomorrows ritual blood taking at UMMC.

Research the benefits of an IB education and potential medical schools in Ireland, Australia and Egypt.

Check up on my mon frere currently melting in Kubang Pasu, Kedah and brainwash him into accepting the MRSM lifestyle. Poor fella, guess it was a huge leap from VI to where you are now.

Instead,

I loll on Facebook, reading everyone's status, searching for inspiration. Don't know why the fingers itch to type his name and stalk his wall. I just can't contain myself, ANDY GARCIA! The Italian mafia tough guy looks, the deep pools from which he stares at you with.... The best part is, this man is older than mummy.

Farhana and I are debating the reasons why all boys institutions enthrall female minds, and I realize I am very comfortably straight and I am highly unlikely to come outta the closet.

Realised that while most beauty pageant winners quote "World Peace!" as their killer ambition and biggest hope, there never was a period in mankinds history where it exsited. Men have never been capable of living alongside each other and not want to rip each other to shreds. There wasn't a single time period where there wasn't violence occuring in any region. So much for world peace, seems likely to happen when everyone cooperates but with the booming arms trade these days, its much easier to settle disputes with weapons than words. So world peace should be on the list next to if pigs could fly and bila kucing bertanduk comes along.

Changed the song on my mp4 200 times looking for a sumber inspirasi, settles for "Falling Out Of Love by Aqualung" to be my soundtrack for procrastination.

Missed Kiasatina's constant chirpiness and her optimism and how she always has a good comeback line for whenever I feel insecure. And how she believes in me way more than I do.

Quote of the day: "Look inside yourself, such perfect order, hiding in yourselves, running in your veins. Subhanallah, Allah's creation!"

Kudos Hijaz.

Its late and its the perfect excuse to put this essay on hold, maybe I should define myself by another bad habit besides procrastination... LUST seems like a good candidate.

pity the fool!

Hee,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UMMU 'AMMARAH FAISAL!

Although you adopted me as your anak,

Although ko suke dtg bilik aku guna jamban,

Though we fight like crazy!

Though ko cabul aku atas katil aku sendiri...

Walaupun you hit me like a madwoman when I surprised you with a cake,

Walaupun ko tak reti makan kek dgn sopannye,

I LOVE YOU LA IBU YANG BAIK, may Allah bless you, jangan drive macam orang mabuk, you can go to prison already honey!


To Afzan, Saleha, Rifhan, Seha Shawal and Wani Dan, sorry for the pranks la! Couldn't help myself!