An In Between to Escape This Desperate Scene

I'll try to believe you when you tell me the world is at my feet,

Right now all I see is this big looming NOTHING in front of me.

All is meant to be, will be.

I know its true but to believe in it fully is uphill work.

This may sound very juvenile but this is what I've wanted since I was a tot.

I'm not good at taking opportunities, all I view this extra time as is me being counter-productive.

Petrified that Mum and Daddy will have to pay for my education yet again.

Mortal fear of being a burden on my parents.

Anxious to start my future.

My teenage fantasy is not a hot stud, leaning down and gazing into my eyes and whispering in his husky voice, confessing words undying love.

I fantasize waking up to a delivery from the mail man, with the words, TAHNIAH PERMOHONAN ANDA DITERIMA, plastered on it. A letter with a pledge to award me with 1.5 million to go be a doctor in the Old Country. A symbol that an organization out there has faith in me.

Say what you want, but I can't just twiddle my thumbs in silence.

I've toiled. Its only right that I reap what I sowed?

I gaze around at all your triumphant faces. All my blessed friends, I am happy that your paths seem illuminated, proud of you guys for making such feats. TNB, PNB, Khazanah, UEM, BNM, Yayasan, JPA, Sime Darby are all yours for the taking. I pray everyday that one day I can smile alongside you guys too. A part of the elite.

Patience is a virtue. I guess this is just another lesson I have to learn.

Its really just losing to you that I hate.

We were on par. I'd like to keep it that way.